Equality

Apparently, Harriet Harman wants to engineer a new social order with her equality bill. On the face of it this is fine in principle. After all nobody should be discriminated against on the basis of their sex, colour, creed or any other aspect of their person. However, some groups believe that the bill interferes with their freedom. The Pope in particular is up in arms. It seems to me the real problem here is that legislation is not the answer. People just don’t respond to being forced into a corner. In addition there is the problem of unforeseen outcomes.

Recently there has been a lot written in the press about women who are increasingly finding that feminist ideas and legislation are actually holding them back rather than helping them as they were intended to. Feminism was supposed to liberate women and allow them to make all the choices in their lives on their own merits. However they are now finding that sometimes this ideal itself actually has the opposite effect. It is now illegal to ask a women in a job interview if she plans to have a family. Fair enough, but employers know this so don’t ask and women who have no intention of having a family do not get the chance to say so and the employer hires the man as it is less risky for them.

All forms of equality legislation almost by definition have a flip side that encourages positive discrimination. The obvious end-point of positive discrimination is mediocrity and I for one do not want to live in a mediocre world.

What has this got to do with Classical Partners, well, we sometimes meet people with pre-concieved ideas which are getting in their way of finding what they want. These pre-concieved ideas are their prejudices and there is no way we can legislate against them. What we can try and do is educate them to find a better way.

I think it is exactly the same with the proposed equality bill. Learn from the mistakes of feminism and instead of legislating try educating.

Posted in Relationships, Society | 3 Comments »

Opposites Attract

Most of us know this rule. It applies to all sorts of things and is irrefutable in the realm of science. The converse is also true, try putting the north poles of two magnets together. It just can’t be done. Does it apply to human relationships?

Unfortunately humans are not so cut and dried as magnets. It is not easy to categorise them.

People in successful relationships often say “my partner complements me”? When somebody says this do they mean they fill in the bits where I do not have expertise, so opposites do attract, or is it that their lives completely overlap, in other words Birds of a feather!

The important thing is what type of opposites are involved. You can easily see that someone who is happiest getting things done might get on very well with someone who has lots of ideas. In the first instance some common ground is required. In most cases this is likely to be a shared interest. However as a relationship develops, I believe it is beneficial for the people involved to have some differences. This allows them to have their own space within the relationship which is necessary for both partners to grow.

For any relationship to flourish it requires both people to work at it. If you can respect and tolerate – even appreciate – the differences you can use this to build a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Posted in Relationships | 2 Comments »

Resolutions?

Well, it is the start of a New Year and a New Decade. So, as the snow lies on the ground and causes the usual chaos, many people are considering making a fresh start.

What better way to start than by finding someone to share your life with. There is no doubt that people are social animals. If you pop in to your local supermarket you are constantly reminded of this: there are hordes of buy one get one free offers but very few aimed at just for one. We all feel better if we have someone to confide in. There has been a lot written recently about loneliness and how the phenomenal growth of computer based networks of friends has given the impression that we are more connected than ever before. However, there is nothing like the real thing. You need to be in the same physical place to really interact. It is wonderful that you can chat to a friend on Facebook or Twitter, but it is much more rewarding to meet them face to face.

Bringing people together is what we at Classical Partners are all about. There are places on the web where people who love classical music and the arts can share their thoughts, I do this from time to time, but as I have said before, it is not a patch on going to a concert or film with like-minded people and really sharing the experience.

So if you are reading this and thinking you would like to meet some music lovers… give us a ring and start the ball rolling.

Posted in Relationships, classical music, meet others | 5 Comments »

The C word

Once you have decided what you want from a relationship the next step is to do something about it…. But what?

If you are not in a relationship and would like to be you have to confront the first of the big C words. Change. There is another C word that comes later on but we do not need to worry about that now. If you want to find a relationship you have to change something. If you continue with your day to day life exactly as you have for the last x years during which time you did not find someone, chances are you will still not find someone if you simply carry on as before.

Finding your perfect partner is a little bit like the Lottery. If you don’t own a ticket you haven’t got a chance of winning. If you buy a ticket at least you are in the game. So how do you get into the relationship “game”?

Consider changing your daily routine. If you take the bus instead of the usual train home you will meet a different set of people. Instead of watching an old movie on the TV try going to one in a cinema. It is up to you if you decide to engage with the new people you encounter. If you have a hobby that you are enthusiastic about, join a club and share that enthusiasm.

You might consider joining one of the numerous internet dating agencies. These definitely work for some people. But it’s a bit like buying a huge number of tickets for the Lottery; you will have to spend an awful lot of time checking your tickets to see if you have won. I have friends who have met this way, but I’ve also heard from many people that they could not get along with internet dating sites. My personal view is that relationships are personal things and the internet, for all its benefits, is not a personal medium. If you want to buy something or find some information the internet is the place to look. Perhaps that why it was known as the information superhighway? For personal relationships I’m not so sure.

There are also the dating sections of newspapers. Much like the internet, they do work for some people. You will need to give a lot of thought to the advertisement you place: it needs to stand out from the crowd but not make you sound too off the wall. You also need to understand the costs: you will have to pick up your replies by calling a premium rate phone line and the costs can mount up very quickly.

An alternative would be to join an introduction agency, but please do your research, there are some rogues out there. It’s a good idea to make sure any agency you approach is a member of ABIA (Association of British Introduction Agencies), have a look at their website http://www.abia.org.uk/ or give them a ring on 020 8742 0386. They have a listing of members along with the services offered and the costs. Make sure you choose one that is right for you. Obviously there is no point in joining an agency that specialises in an area that is of little interest to you. Another thing to remember is that “traditional” agencies work in a very different way to the internet based ones. From the internet you are likely to receive hundreds of (un-vetted) contacts and it is up to you to go through them. A traditional agency on the other hand will take into consideration all the information you have supplied to them and select someone from their membership who they think you would really like to meet. This is why it is so important for you to know what you want before you start. It is a slower and more focused approach.

I am of course biased, as I run Classical Partners, a traditional agency, but I have tried to offer honest view of the different options you have based on my experience of speaking to and meeting many unattached men and women looking for love. Not surprisingly, there is no single right way to go about finding a relationship. The solution very much depends on you. This is the main thing you have to understand, whichever way you choose to go about it the outcome depends on your actions. So confront the C word: be positive, enjoy yourself and you will make progress. Good luck.

Posted in Find Love, Relationships | 2 Comments »

You have to know what you want.

Up until now this blog has been simply to share a review of the varied types of events that we organise. Now, I think it is time to give an insight into the other areas that we here at Classical Partners get involved with on a daily basis.

Since we are an introduction agency, the main thing people who come to us are looking for is a relationship. It may be only four syllables but it can mean so many different things.

We always ask clients what they are looking for in a relationship and not surprisingly we get answers like: companionship, a sole mate, someone to share my life with, sex, mutual support, stability, and compassion are all things that crop up time and time again and can mean different things to different people.

The first thing you have to come to terms with is that men and women are different. The 2008 Great Male Survey carried out by askmen.com and its partner the 2008 Great Female Survey show some interesting results that largely reinforce the commonly held stereotypes, for example 29% of men would like to change their female partner’s sexual appetite, the figure for women is just 12%. The survey leaves you to draw your own conclusions as to which direction they want to change it in! Once you accept some of the differences between the sexes it is easier to see that what they are searching for in a relationship may be different.

Initially this makes it seem like there is no hope for a successful relationship between the sexes but history has shown that this is most definitely not the case. Luckily there are lots of people who do not conform to the commonly held stereotypes. The trick is to find someone who shares your relationship requirements. Even Carrie Bradshaw and Mr Big managed it in the end.

The first step to achieving this is to understand your own needs. After all it is much easier to find something if you know what it is you are looking for. Do you want someone who is always at your side? Some people will find this too confining. I know people who have very happy and fulfilling relationships who do not live together and have separate social lives. Yet they holiday together and have a healthy sex life. Which approach is right for you? For most people the answer will lie somewhere in between these two extremes.

If your relationship needs are to be met, the partner must be aware of what they are. You have to let them know what these needs are. It is important to communicate openly or your partner will be left guessing, so let them know your needs, and let them tell you theirs. It will not be surprising for you both to discover that often your needs are quite different.

Here at Classical Partners we try very hard to get people to understand their requirements even though this may be difficult. I am sure the same is true for the other Agencies that are members of ABIA. Our clients need to tell us what they are looking for. In order to do this they must first to think about it and if they are honest with themselves we can be very successful at finding them the person they can have a relationship with.

Posted in Relationships | 31 Comments »