Aim for the stars

Lori Gottlieb caused a bit of a storm back in 2007 with her article suggesting that women should settle for a man who is ‘good enough’ rather than holding out for Mr Perfect who may never show up. Not content with this she is now publishing a book which she says will back up her ideas.

Whilst I sympathise to a certain extent with her views, I do have problems with some of the statistics she quotes. She claims that “less than half of women over 40 will ever marry.” Conveniently she makes no mention of how many of these women actually want to get married, she simply uses this statistic to scare women into thinking they are a lost cause. Incidentally, The Times, commenting on figures published by the Office for National Statistics for England and Wales, makes a similar error. Proudly proclaiming that women are going to be overwhelmed by offers as there are now more single men than women in every age group except the over 75’s. Again they do not consider how many actually want to get married. The definition of single as “never married, divorced or widowed” is also a problem. How many are in happy, stable long term relationships? The old adage ‘Lies, dammed Lies and Statistics’ springs to mind. Numbers are great when trying to understand trends but you have to be very careful how you use them.

Back to Lori Gottlieb, she puts forward the view that feminism has encouraged women to think that they can have it all – the perfect man, lifestyle, family and career. In some ways she is right about this. There is not really a whole lot wrong with setting yourself high goals and aspirations. However you do need to be able to be flexible whilst trying to attain them.

Remember to give yourself a good pat on the back when you land on the moon even if you were aiming for the stars.

Posted in Find Love, Relationships, meet others | 9 Comments »

Equality

Apparently, Harriet Harman wants to engineer a new social order with her equality bill. On the face of it this is fine in principle. After all nobody should be discriminated against on the basis of their sex, colour, creed or any other aspect of their person. However, some groups believe that the bill interferes with their freedom. The Pope in particular is up in arms. It seems to me the real problem here is that legislation is not the answer. People just don’t respond to being forced into a corner. In addition there is the problem of unforeseen outcomes.

Recently there has been a lot written in the press about women who are increasingly finding that feminist ideas and legislation are actually holding them back rather than helping them as they were intended to. Feminism was supposed to liberate women and allow them to make all the choices in their lives on their own merits. However they are now finding that sometimes this ideal itself actually has the opposite effect. It is now illegal to ask a women in a job interview if she plans to have a family. Fair enough, but employers know this so don’t ask and women who have no intention of having a family do not get the chance to say so and the employer hires the man as it is less risky for them.

All forms of equality legislation almost by definition have a flip side that encourages positive discrimination. The obvious end-point of positive discrimination is mediocrity and I for one do not want to live in a mediocre world.

What has this got to do with Classical Partners, well, we sometimes meet people with pre-concieved ideas which are getting in their way of finding what they want. These pre-concieved ideas are their prejudices and there is no way we can legislate against them. What we can try and do is educate them to find a better way.

I think it is exactly the same with the proposed equality bill. Learn from the mistakes of feminism and instead of legislating try educating.

Posted in Relationships, Society | 3 Comments »

When did we decide everything should be free?

It seems to me that society has decided that everything should be free. As usual the internet is leading the way. I did a little bit of admittedly not very scientific research. If you type the word “free” into my favourite search engine it produces 2,850 million results. I tried various other words like cheap, music, best, insurance and dating. All things that the internet does very well. None of them came even close in terms of the number of results.

Where is this obsession with free things going to lead us? I worry that it will mean that everything will tend towards the lowest state. I want a pen to write with. If I had bought it for what I considered to be a fair price, I would be miffed if it did not work, I might even take it back and ask for another one. If it was free what can I do? Is it the same with other free things?

You hear a lot about how illegal downloading is killing music. This is something I do not do. Too many of my friends and relations make their living from music. I used to think that illegally downloaded music would lead to people saying, I like that, and then going out and buying more. A bit like hearing something on the radio and then going out and buying it. Now I am not so sure. So much music is now downloaded illegally that only the megastars make any money out of their music and the industry as a whole can not afford to publish and promote new artists. In a few years time will the only music that is available be the megastars and people recording things in their back rooms? Next time you are at a concert and the person next to you is recording it on their mobile phone have a think about that.

The next big thing apparently is ebooks. How good is that? You want to read a book, you download it you read it, everyone is happy…but how long will bookshops last? Will illegal downloading become a problem? Will new authors be able to get published? Or will we only be able to get hold of old classics and the latest Dan Brown?

The free explosion must have its limitations and we should be very careful of the knock on effects. What is wrong with paying a fair price and letting someone earn a living from their expertise?

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »

Opposites Attract

Most of us know this rule. It applies to all sorts of things and is irrefutable in the realm of science. The converse is also true, try putting the north poles of two magnets together. It just can’t be done. Does it apply to human relationships?

Unfortunately humans are not so cut and dried as magnets. It is not easy to categorise them.

People in successful relationships often say “my partner complements me”? When somebody says this do they mean they fill in the bits where I do not have expertise, so opposites do attract, or is it that their lives completely overlap, in other words Birds of a feather!

The important thing is what type of opposites are involved. You can easily see that someone who is happiest getting things done might get on very well with someone who has lots of ideas. In the first instance some common ground is required. In most cases this is likely to be a shared interest. However as a relationship develops, I believe it is beneficial for the people involved to have some differences. This allows them to have their own space within the relationship which is necessary for both partners to grow.

For any relationship to flourish it requires both people to work at it. If you can respect and tolerate – even appreciate – the differences you can use this to build a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Posted in Relationships | 2 Comments »

Resolutions?

Well, it is the start of a New Year and a New Decade. So, as the snow lies on the ground and causes the usual chaos, many people are considering making a fresh start.

What better way to start than by finding someone to share your life with. There is no doubt that people are social animals. If you pop in to your local supermarket you are constantly reminded of this: there are hordes of buy one get one free offers but very few aimed at just for one. We all feel better if we have someone to confide in. There has been a lot written recently about loneliness and how the phenomenal growth of computer based networks of friends has given the impression that we are more connected than ever before. However, there is nothing like the real thing. You need to be in the same physical place to really interact. It is wonderful that you can chat to a friend on Facebook or Twitter, but it is much more rewarding to meet them face to face.

Bringing people together is what we at Classical Partners are all about. There are places on the web where people who love classical music and the arts can share their thoughts, I do this from time to time, but as I have said before, it is not a patch on going to a concert or film with like-minded people and really sharing the experience.

So if you are reading this and thinking you would like to meet some music lovers… give us a ring and start the ball rolling.

Posted in Relationships, classical music, meet others | 5 Comments »